How To Stay Unnoticed In Life

There are several things I heard as a child growing up. Kids should be seen and not heard. This one is rooted in the need to show respect to adults and I heard it flung around a lot in my home too. If I believed that kids should be seen and not heard then this meant that I shouldn’t share my voice. Also, big in my house, was to not make so much noise by walking on a hardwood floor because the super would break out his broom or scold us. Another popular comment I’d hear is: what are you the FBI? Stop interrogating me.

The funny thing is that after coaching so many adults going after big roles I see the same childhood advice applied to employees. Wait, what?!? Yep. So here are the three things that I think matter to play it safe in life at any age. I say them not to give you ideas but to show you what I have seen behind closed doors.

1. Do not share your voice — This I’ve seen from senior executives who have the power to use their voice. Where does this power come from? It’s not always your job title that dictates the degree to which you have real power in a corporate system. Sometimes, it’s your budget, direct reports, or the person who brought you in. Right? Let’s be real! Yet, what I’ve noticed is that the moment someone’s voice is attacked (overtly, in a room, via osmosis) that this person will carry this embarrassment for YEARS and opt-out of more conversations than you’d think. This certainly has a ripple effect. I could write a book on that latter point. One example is feeling terrified of being noticed on LinkedIn by changing one freaking word on a LinkedIn headline. Do you know how much time I’ve spent not crafting the LinkedIn language but getting a person to make their edit LIVE? The reality is that if you want to go unnoticed in life and play it safe then your best bet is to mute your voice exactly like a good little girl or boy.

2. Do not move around so much — This morning at 5 am-ish (don’t get this twisted with Amish but it’s poetic because perhaps they were up too?) I was doing my Wim Hof breathing in the dark on my sofa with my arms tightly wrapped around me? Why was my body so contracted during simple breathing exercises? I’ve grown so accustomed to staying in a tiny square-footage that even when I have my entire living room to myself I find that I am still confining myself to a small space. At five-feet tall, it’s not like I plan on tippy-toeing to a higher stratosphere and holding hostage the world’s carbon dioxide (ask Wim why I didn’t say Oxygen) yet I was barely using the entirety of my own available space. When I noticed this during breathing round three, I stretched my arms widely. (Side note: I want to befriend more adverbs). The reality is that by not moving around or using your space: that’s one way to go unnoticed in life? I’ve mastered this. It’s something I plan on working on personally because my mission is to go hella noticed in life. What’s yours?

3. Do not ask questions — Those were twelve years I spent in Catholic school before I attended an extraordinary liberal NYU. Most masses I was bursting at the seams with questions I wanted to ask the Priest with a kind demeanor, the Nun who behind closed doors was taunted by us all for her body part rhyming name (not saying this was a good thing but it adds flavor to this sentence), or Franciscan Monk who chain-smoked (he acted like a rebel but the hair thing felt off). It fair to say that my questions were not coming from my authentic curiosity. They were a bit judgy, belligerent, and childish. The general tone of them all was: “why should I listen to you, why should I say the same things over and over, and how can we improve this Church experience for us all?” Essentially, during that entire twelve-year stint I definitely managed to stay unnoticed except for one character-building embarrassing moment that I’m not about to write about eva! Lol. It’s a socially acceptable moment but I rather have something to chuckle about during reunions.

In a nutshell (I’m always seeking better transitions :P), you have a choice to stay unnoticed for your entire life. You can be loved and adored by your children or friends yet effectively never step outside of those loving circles. Decades from now, you can never be found in a Google search by your grandchild. That’s okay. It’s your choice. We are no longer kids and even if you’ve been slapped by a boss in the past my prayer (see how I slipped my Catholic school training in there) is that you reclaim your voice if you have something to say. In terms of taking up more space and moving around? Look if now we are given 1.5 meters to claim to ourselves (I’m in Sydney so accept metrics for now) then go A-L-L out in that space. I mean go to town! Stretch your body. Apparently, AOC in Knock Down The House actually struggled with this too. She had to tell herself to take up space and use the entirety of a room. We are not alone in this challenge so why not explore taking up our government allotted space at least? Lastly, this “questions” thing. My favorite thing in the world is to ask questions that I actually give a crap about. If a Priest is around and would like to answer my questions then fantastic but it’s been decades since I’ve had ones for clerics. For now, it’s through my podcast that I am asking the real questions I have about people’s lives, hard decisions, and dreams of a highly noticed life.

Check out my podcast and come along for the journey. It’s easy to stay unnoticed in life but is that what you really want?